A simple life?

Monday, March 28, 2005

Just went to gardens to set a appointment with the tattoo artist. Balls. Duno wad i got myself into. $1500. Where to find dis kinda money. Guess gotta slowly complete the piece. Anyone who has kang tao 4 jobs like give out flyer those kind can tell me? Reali appreciate it.

[ Servant of God ] | 7:18 PM |

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Who am i to blame you
For doubting what you feel?
I was always reaching
You were just a girl i knew
I took for granted
The friend i had in you.

Always the one who msges me 1st whether online or sms. Always the one who kept me company through my bus trips, when i'm at home loboing, when i'm alone. But i always reply u late even in between our smses. Always never take the initiative to just simply pick up the phone or double click your nick to just say a simple hi or how was your day. Always being boring by saying or asking the same things for weeks. Never taking the effort to get to know you more. Sorry.

At times it's so confusing,
the questions of the heart.

Used to be afraid of you having feelings for me. But now? Its the exact opposite. Afraid. Things can get so complicated.

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment.

Sam borrow yr advice here ah. After closing a book on someone its hard to open it again. Afraid that i'm feeling like this again just because of a dream. Afraid that i'm feeling like this again just because of loneliness.

[ Servant of God ] | 11:56 PM |

Friday, March 25, 2005

Pisssssssssed. Noe i shouldnt be. But cant help it. Was watching movie in the living room. Duno y but the stupid disc sound so soft so gotta on louder. Juz abit louder. Kongkong was sleeping on the dining chair. Halfway my other uncle decided to help him up and bring him to his room. Went to help him in the end T woke up. After putting kongkong in the room str8 away come out onli tell me switch the volume softer. NNH. All the while i watching kongkong never wake up is uncle george wake him up. Means is my volume ar? Even u can slp thru like a log lo. Thank God there's a blog or i tink sure quarrel. Childish ya. That's wad i tink too. Duno y nowadays small tings can make me angry or pissed. Sorry if the way i toked or acted was like shit the pass days.

[ Servant of God ] | 1:47 AM |

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Realised again that things and wanting things wun make u happy or happier. I want to buy more toys, get more tattoos. Looking at the range of toys and the pictures of ppl's tattoos online makes me happy. But wanting them doesnt. Even after getting them how long can yr happiness last? U wan more and more and more.

One question i keep asking myself the whole of last nite when i couldnt sleep, God where are u? No feeling leh. I know u are in me. But still i duno where are u. Wana get my life back in order. Waking up and sleeping like a normal human. Isnt dis wad i shud do? Get life back in order? Aiyah oso duno lah. Juz gotta trust u somehow i guess. I know.

[ Servant of God ] | 10:09 PM |

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Yesterday a friend asked me out. Found a 'reason' to not go. Y? Y? Realised that i kinda look down on myself. Would she mind me smoking? Would she mind me feeling lethargic and my quietness? Not that i like dis person but its juz like i duno oso. Afraid to go oso coz afraid that feelings would occur from the past and ruin a friendship. But does it neccessarily haf to ruin a friendship? Cant it grow stronger? I oso duno.

Wan to sleep and get back a normal body clock now oso cannot. Felt tired and can slp juz now but now so awake. WTS. Fooking frustrated. Siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

[ Servant of God ] | 1:53 AM |

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Been quite awhile blogging properly. Is it just me or wad? Feel like i'm dropping out of line with so many things. God. Family. Friends. Socialness. Big groups of frens. Tok cok sessions with frens. My bros. Girls. Aye dats important too. Juz everything. Its like the frequency in all dis is no more there. Do this oso alone do dat oso alone. Not that i dun enjoy doing tings alone but its like when i'm juz toking to ppl dun need meet but even juz sms, i become withdrawn, no confidence, quiet. Dun tink thats rite.

Feel like i've reali taken ppl 4 granted. Family. Hiadis. Friends. God. Juz wana sae sorri. Reali sorri. Maybe its juz paranoia but maybe its true too. I wana be myself not like last time conform to wad others expect of me. But dis being myself ting has like caused me to become like beh steady and dun gif too much shit attitude. Wrong leh. But conforming to wad others think or expect of me i oso tink not rite leh. Balls.

Dreams are one ting. Reality is another. Dreams can make u happy but reality sometimes hurts. Its like i can dream of having full sleeves, feel super song when i tink of dat. But reality is i can haf it but wad abt family? Wad abt jobs next time? Can sae aiyah dun care but when u see yr family disappointed with u or cant land yrself a lets sae office job sure feel like shit. Dun reali noe wad i'm babbling abt.

Dis life reali muz spend alone ar? Not having close frens? Having a "family"?

[ Servant of God ] | 4:06 AM |

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Psalm 37:1-2